[a parable]

There is a passage in the scriptures in which one of the Prophets foretold: “He shall roar with a flaming mane”. While there is some conjecture surrounding the exact word for ‘mane’ in the original ancient Greek manuscript, scholars concur this is clear proof, offered hundreds of years before His birth, that Jesus’ hair and beard were distinctively flame-red…

Another verse of scripture prophesises: “Smiling, his bracelets glistening, he offers camel curd from an earthen pot”. We know from archaeological digs that it was customary among the ancient Chaldeans, for males to wear jewellery. The Chaldeans were renowned for their mastery of clay pottery and their uniformly chestnut-coloured hair. Scholars unanimously agree this verse indicates Jesus’ family was of Chaldean lineage, hence his beard was undoubtedly chestnut-coloured…

Jesus’ father, Joseph, was a carpenter, a specialised trade requiring several years’ apprenticeship under the guidance of a master-tradesman. It was a requirement at the time, that qualified tradesmen and their sons, must dye their hair and beards black, to signify their status. Scholars are adamant on this point: as the son of a Galilean carpenter, Jesus’ beard can only have been black…

The Shroud of Turin is from Jesus’ burial sheet. Recent data analysis of ultra-radio spectrum scans, coupled with DNA and genomic sequencing of a hair-strand fragment from this hallowed fabric, show conclusively that Jesus’ beard, of which this strand stands as definitive physical evidence, was of a straw-blonde hue…

Can you believe the stupidity, the arrogant ignorance of these so-called scholars? There is a sublime portrait of Jesus above the altar in my church. I have gazed upon it, transfixed in loving wonder, since my early childhood: the absolute living likeness of our Lord. Come, come anytime and see for yourself –

Jesus has no beard…